“To Forgive is the highest most beautiful form of Love. In return you will receive untold Peace and Happiness” - Robert Muller
This time last year I was in love with a man. Our relationship was what I described as beautiful. We were extremely similar: we liked the same things, were open with our emotions, and had the same outlook on Life and Love. Though I was much older than this man, I decided to put my judgements and fears aside, and choose Love.
I opened my heart wider, and showed all of myself to this person-my vibrant colors, my wonderful and my messy, and he welcomed and embraced them.
I felt safe and so in Love.
And then, he cheated on me. And my world was rocked.
If you have ever been cheated on, you understand the flood of emotions and thoughts that come along for the ride.
I felt devastated and victimized.
I self blamed, thinking that I must not have been good enough.
I grasped as hard as I could to fix and keep the “beautiful relationship,” completely neglecting myself and my own Self Worth with every text and late night phone call.
And I was extremely sad.
I had never felt a betrayal that raw and earth shattering--my heart was completely broken.
When the relationship finally ended, I was left with two extremely powerful feelings:
fear and anger.
The Fear
I had opened myself up to someone that I trusted, and my heart was crushed. I had never felt this kind of fear before, and I was completely lost.
I thought “I have SO much Love to express and give...without this person, what am I going to do with it?” And the best answer that my protective brain said was “Lock it UP in an airtight container, throw it under your bed next to the storage boxes and orphan socks, safeguard it forever and never let it open….AGAIN.”
Cue sad, droopy music.
The Anger
How dare he make me feel this fear--I am an open, loving person. How dare he destroy our “beautiful relationship?” HOW DARE HE??
Cue scary, screaming music.
The fear and anger feelings felt terrible. I wanted them out of my system, and I wanted them out ASAP. I am a Loving person and I wanted to feel Love, not this sad stuff. And I just could not heal fast enough, which made me more angry and more fearful.
So how did I heal my broken heart? I started to investigate.
Acceptance of the Feelings
Break ups and broken hearts can feel like a trauma. Instead of judging my feelings and the time it was taking to heal, I had to feel them fully and let them run their course, Self judgement of what you are feeling only contributes to the vicious cycle of pain. So I became completely present when the fear and anger started to rise. And as soon as I decided to feel them, Self Love through them, the fear and anger started to dissipate.
Love More
Fear is a loud, roaring call for Love. When fear is present, Love is the only thing that can bust its defensive walls down.
I decided that the best way to conquer this fear and heal myself was to use the Power of Love.
I created a game..
I decided that I was going to be Loving toward every single person I came in contact with. Friend or stranger. I was going to actively open my very closed heart up as much as I could, and send the love that I had to every being I meet throughout my day. I was kinder, friendlier, more expressive of how I feel. I filled myself with Gratitude for what I had in my life.
My notion was that if I could could resist the closing of my heart, and actually give more and choose to receive as much Love in the world as I could, I would start to heal my heart from the outside in, and become more connected to my Loving, True Self.
And to my surprise it worked. I felt lighter, happier, more peaceful. I also became a more Loving person, which was a huge bonus.
Forgiveness
I turned to him. The man who betrayed me. I chose to forgive.
Forgiveness is the gateway to Freedom. Forgiveness is Letting Go of the past, and brings you to the Present. It is the key to move on. It is the lifting of the past, and gives you space to create your future.
I took stock of our relationship. I considered his side of the story, why he did what he did, and I became more Understanding and Accepting. That is the person that he was-and I was ready to Let that person go.
Hard as it was, as soon as I Forgave him, my anger lifted. I physically felt my heart soften. I was not ready to jump right back into a relationship, but I was able to be more open and free.
A broken heart hurts. It takes time to heal. But through the Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Power of Love, I put my heart back together and transformed into a Stronger, Accepting, Forgiving, and Loving person. And with that I am truly grateful for my broken heart.
How did you deal with a broken heart? I would love to hear about your process.