When I decided to hold my first official meditation workshop, I was stoked. I had been meditating since I was 12 years old, and I was so excited to not only teach people how to meditate, but to talk about Gratitude, what I call “my new found Love weapon.”
My vision was clear : I wanted to create a space where people come together and discuss what Gratitude means to them.
I would start the night off with a juicy guided meditation, followed by a lecture about what Gratitude means and how practicing it can change lives, and end with a smashing reflection which would make my student’s minds blow and have them worship my intelligence and creativity. With popcorn and iced tea for refreshments.
I was psyched. And then I started freaking out.
My egoic, doubting mind chimed in :
I am not a Gratitude expert, what can I offer these people?
The room will be silent and all eyes on me - they are going to see that I am a fraud.
I am boring to talk to, not smart enough, not creative enough to carry on a conversation.
I always burn my popcorn, and when they taste my burnt popcorn they will realize that I am not a great popcorn maker, and therefore not a perfect person.
I am not enough.
I am not enough.
I am not enough.
So, my first tactic was to work extra hard on becoming a Gratitude Meditation Expert. I made plans. I made spreadsheets and diagrams. I figured if I knew everything there is to know about Gratitude and Meditation I would feel less doubtful.
I stayed up all hours into the night researching and studying and color coating my flashcards.
The day came and I was feeling pumped. I had done the work and was ready to share my learnings. I was going to be the Gratitude Teacher of the century!!!!!!!!
And then the fear came in again.
I still did not feel like I was enough. Even with all of the studying and researching and learning, I was not sure I could do this. I knew this was my doubting mind taking over again.
I was so close to canceling the event.
And then, I decided to shift my perspective and Self Love.
Stay present. Just be who you are.
As people started shuffling in, I chose to just breathe, and be present. I was going to use meditation as a way to get through this.
I also chose to remember why I wanted this night to happen in the first place. As I took a step back, I was able to feel Grateful that this was happening, and the pressure of being perfect lifted.
The night was beautiful. The energy in the room was buzzing with open hearted light. The conversation led itself - I never had to open up to my notes.
These people did not want me to be an expert. They just wanted to meditate together, be heard, and to connect with other like- minded souls. I was providing a space for that to happen.
And that was my true vision.
What I learned from teaching my first Gratitude Meditation Workshop
I am deeply Grateful for the people in my Life.
Our doubting mind will talk us out of anything. I have the power to hush my doubting mind.
If I want to achieve a goal, fulfill a dream, or just do something that you know will bring you and others great Joy, show up and do it.
When teaching a Meditation Workshop, it is a great idea to stay Present. From start to finish.
There are an astounding amount of open-hearted, brave people in this world...and I had the honor of them being in my living room.
Self Love is non-negotiable when fear is winning.
Trust that my true vision will follow through with color coated flashcards or not.
Meditating in a group feels good.
Honor my Breath.
Discussing Gratitude makes me feel more Grateful.
People truly desire to connect with others.
Burning popcorn does not mean that you are not a perfect person because there is no such thing as a perfect person. And that’s good. And so is burnt popcorn.
Choose to recognize my own true goodness and the goodness in others.
At the end of the day, I am enough.
At the end of the day, you are enough.
I went into my own Meditation Workshop as a teacher and came out a student.
I am so Grateful for that night.
Share the ways you hush your doubting mind. Leave a comment below!